Do you consider yourself to be a manipulative person? Of course you don’t. But, what if I tell you that we’re all unconsciously trying to manipulate the people around us so that we can feel safe? We don’t know we’re doing it because we’re acting on invisible beliefs.

I recently watched a series of online workshops hosted by Rikka Zimmerman in which she helped people to dive deep into the core beliefs that shape their reality so that they can discover the hidden benefits of their limiting beliefs about themselves, their bodies as well as their relationships with others and with money.

Rikka says that beliefs are an expression of the unconscious, which makes them difficult to be aware of, because you believe they are real. Also, these beliefs cause incidents that further validate the distorted way you experience the world, which cement the belief into your reality. You become a victim of those beliefs.

“Now, here’s one of the biggest secrets to unlocking beliefs . . . All beings have an internal mechanism that leads them to what they believe is beneficial. Science calls this the reward/punishment system,” Rikka says.

We move towards pleasure and away from pain; towards reward, away from punishment. So, if you are experiencing something you don’t prefer, you need to find out what is making it more beneficial to have the experience you are having rather than the experience you would prefer?

For example: “If I believed I were good enough, how would that not benefit me? People would judge me and think I was selfish or self centered. I would stand out and people would want to cut me down and I wouldn’t be safe,” Rikka says.

“Believing I’m not good enough will keep me safer, more accepted, liked, loved. I won’t be judged as too much or superior. I will not experience a loss of love. I will experience less suffering. Just look at these breathtaking benefits! But, is any of this actually true? No!”

Can you notice that all of the benefits to the belief “I’m not good enough” are about manipulating other people? You want them to ‘stop judging’ you. You want them to accept you, like you or love you. Rikka says you should ask yourself: What if all beliefs that I hold were a form of manipulation? What if, instead of manipulating, I could just know who I am and choose for myself?

Matt Kahn tells a story about a classic example where one would usually try to manipulate a specific outcome. Imagine you are about to go for a job interview, but you are emotionally extremely vulnerable due to the death of a loved one.

“You consider canceling or even rescheduling, but today is the only opening they have – and your nagging monthly bills inform you that you cannot delay this any longer. With doubt in your heart, resistance in your body, and a storm of negative thoughts you venture off to the interview in exactly the type of condition you would never wish to present to the general public.”

“Upon entering the interview, the person in charge asks how you are doing. Do you lead with your most idealistic version of who you think they’ll resonate with, or do you dare to be honest?”

“What if you said, ‘To be honest, my life has been a bit consumed due to the death of a loved one.’? What if, in response, they said, ‘You know, I really understand. Today is actually the anniversary of my mother’s death.’?”

“Imagine how the honest approach your ego thought would be a way of sabotaging the interview became an unsuspecting way of bonding with the interviewer in the most unlikely way. Even if such an answer had ended the interview on the spot, it may have occurred at a company who yearns to hire people with little to no family so their lives may be consumed with advancing their career.”

Matt says that the one way to guarantee building authentic resonance with those you will enjoy thriving with is by daring to be honest. Then it’s not a matter of what does or doesn’t happen, but a matter of who you’re becoming as you’re getting to know yourself.

Who are you becoming, girlfriend? As Matt says: Your life awaits your most authentic arrival.