“If you are pained by external things, it is not they that disturb you, but your own judgment of them.”

So said Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor from 161 to 180 AD. He knew that humans have been socialised as judgemental beings. The result is that we assign colossal emotional weight to every action we take and maybe especially to those we don’t take.

Qigong master, Mingtong Gu, says that these emotions shape the way we see the world and this perception feeds thousands of thoughts, most of which are tied to a habitual mindset. You can only change this mindset if you gently polish the lens through which you perceive life.

The way to see a new reality, ripe with potential and possibilities, can come about by understanding the concept of ‘Haola’. In Chinese, ‘Hao’ means “so be it” and ‘la’ means “all is well”. Actually, this term simultaneously means “all is getting better”.

‘Haola’ is thus a paradox. It starts with the understanding that as difficult as challenges might appear to be, you can shift your perspective to see them neutrally, beyond good or bad. They simply exist as a part of the human experience and part of the greater whole, says Mingtong Gu.

The bottom line is that how we interact with life rests in our hands, since our own perception shapes the experience we have in both our inner and outer worlds, he explains. “And even though everything exists exactly as it is meant to, it also exists in a perpetual state of infinite potential – meaning that everything is pure energy and everything is constantly evolving.”

Neale Donald Walsch explains it this way: “The first thing to understand about the universe is that no condition is ‘good’ or ‘bad’. It just is. So stop making value judgments. The second thing to know is that all conditions are temporary. Nothing stays the same, nothing remains static. Which way a thing changes depends on you.”

Deepak Chopra says that non-judgement creates silence in your mind. “Judgement is the constant evaluation of things as right or wrong, good or bad. When you are constantly evaluating, classifying, labelling, analyzing, you create a lot of turbulence in your internal dialogue. This turbulence constricts the flow of energy between you and the field of pure potentiality.”

So, ‘Haola’, girlfriend. All is well. And this is a different concept to the quote that Julian of Norwich is best known for. Julian, who was born in 1342, wrote ‘Revelations of Divine Love’ and said: “. . . all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.”

She never said “all is well”. There is no if-this-then-that requirement in “all is well”. It doesn’t imply that you need to qualify for all to be well at some future date. All is well now, even though that which you judge as ‘bad’ has already happened.

“Life always gives us exactly the teacher we need at every moment,” says Charlotte Joko Beck. “This includes every mosquito, every misfortune, every red light, every traffic jam, every obnoxious supervisor (or employee), every illness, every loss, every moment of joy or depression, every addiction, every piece of garbage, every breath. Every moment is the guru.”

“Think that it’s fun, that you’re guided, and that all is well,” Mike Dooley says. “Think that there’s time, that life is easy, and that the best is yet to come. Think that the reasons that elude you will one day catch up, that the lessons that stumped you will one day bring joy, and that the sorrows that have crippled you will soon give you wings. Think that you’re important, that you cannot fail, and that happiness always returns.”

It reminds me of Sufism, where you are not only thankful for what has been given, but also for all that has been denied. That is why Elizabeth Kübler-Ross believed that you will grow if you are sick, in pain and if you experience losses. You will grow if you do not put your head in the sand, but take the pain and learn to accept it, not as a curse or punishment, but as a gift to you with a very specific purpose.

Girlfriend, it’s like Jennifer Welwood says: “Each condition I flee from pursues me. Each condition I welcome transforms me. And becomes itself transformed . . .”