It?s never ?out there? Print E-mail
News - Final Word
Thursday, 17 November 2011 07:38
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So, how have you been surviving this season of year-end functions, concerts, prize giving ceremonies and generally overflowing agendas? It’s as if the year speeds up in a head-long rush towards December and we’re lurching forward, feeling harried and disconnected even while clutching our split-second communication devices.

We’ve been taught to value speed and multi-tasking in the quest for visible rewards; to pursue money and surround ourselves with bright-and-shinies. This grabbing mode is even revered in so-called spiritual pursuits where principles such as ‘the law of attraction’ are taught to people simply to bring on bigger houses, better cars and more bling-bling.

Life coach Martha Beck writes that the most striking thing she’s realised is that the thought of drawing things towards yourself is based on the belief that you lack certain things; that what you want is “out there”.

For example, people say they want to make money. They’re willing to do something they hate just so that they can get money. But it’s not the money they’re after. What could an unused lump of money sitting in the bank do for you?

Okay, so they’re willing to admit that maybe it’s the things money can buy that they’re after. That’s not really true either, is it? It’s the feeling the bright-and-shinies gives you that you’re after.

It’s disheartening, writes Alexander de Foe, that most people depend on the outside world for fleeting glimpses of these feelings; qualities that can already be found within us.

“There is a common trend in our world of seeking happiness by pursuing what we think will make us happy, instead of pursuing the feeling of happiness that already resides within the authentic self; within our hearts,” he writes.

Trailing one’s inner happiness on an experiential level is not something we’re taught how to do. Alexander writes that it involves a paradox: to discover yourself, you must first surrender yourself. The way to do this, he says, is to trust the so-called coincidences in your life instead of attempting to micro-manage every aspect.

When your life doesn’t quite make sense, remember that there may be some hidden gem of a reason that you are where you are, having the experiences you are having, writes Madisyn Taylor.

Just dig around in your past and look at the gems you’ll unearth. Remember that awful job where you lasted only two months, but made a life-long friend? Unearthing these treasures can restore your faith in the present. It can even help you to make a leap of faith into the unknown, unsure of what you will encounter but certain that the attempt will be more rewarding than bowing to self-protective instincts.

“If we listened to our intellect, we’d never have a love affair. We’d never have a friendship. We’d never go into business, because we’d be too cynical. Well, that’s nonsense. You’ve got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down, writes Pulitzer Prize-winning author, Annie Dillard.

Making a leap of faith into the unknown is very difficult for people who have control issues. But it is only when embracing uncertainty that you learn how to trust that surrender will help you to grow wings.

Life coach, Lorraine Cohen, writes that embodying surrender is pretty similar to when you first learn how to float in a swimming pool. You lean back with your arms stretched out and allow the water to hold you up. The first few times you learn how to float can be scary; to trust the water to keep you from sinking. It is only when you actually let go that you feel how the water supports you.

When you let go of the assumption that what you want is “out there” you will find that you’ve always had everything you need. Martha Beck writes that it works pretty much like humidity in summer air.

The moisture in the air is invisible to the eye, but when the temperature reaches the dew point, it suddenly appears everywhere. The dew has always been there, it just needed a certain temperature to become visible.

Everything you need is already inside of you. It’s just waiting for the temperature of your inner life to create the dew point so that it can become visible to you.

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