It happens to all of us sooner or later; for some of us in a midlife crisis or a health crisis; for others when we’re forced to face loss. You have to learn to let go of the person you no longer are. Only then can you be the individual you are right now.

Natalie Matushenko says that this is the time to explore. To find out what you really want, you have to ask yourself some questions: “What does purposeful work look like for you? How do you want to contribute to society? What would optimal health be for you? What would supportive and inspiring friendships look like for you? What would satisfying relationships look like? Who do you want to surround yourself with?”

“What do you enjoy doing? What do you no longer enjoy doing? What are your soul needs? What kind of environment do you want to spend your time in? What does optimal fun and relaxation look like for you?”

Natalie says that in the process of answering these questions, you’d probably need to shed what no longer serves you. You may need to let go of what you no longer enjoy and what no longer fits you so that you may finally see what’s real for you today. Who you authentically are.

Your purpose is to be who you naturally are. And that, says Tanya Penny, is impossible when you are afraid of making mistakes, being criticized or rejected, afraid of failing or rocking the boat and causing conflict. 

How do you know if you are being your true self or not? Tanya says that health issues can be one of the biggest indicators; also feeling depressed or unfulfilled. So, how do you discover the parts of you that you have been suppressing? One tool is to think back to your childhood and what you were criticized or rejected for.

Tanya says that she was criticized for telling the truth (when others didn’t want to know the truth), and she learned to stop doing it so that she could be accepted. Part of her healing process continues to be sharing her truth . . . “and then soothing the fearful part of me by telling it that it’s okay if people don’t like what I share, because I am not here to be liked by everyone (and neither are you). I am here to fully be me and support those who are ready and willing to come along for the ride”.

‘Apple Tree’ author, Colleen-Joy Page, says: “If you’re like me, you were taught as a child not to brag. How often did we hear: Look at that egotistical person? We were taught to spot plus, acting bigger than. No one told us that acting minus was also from the ego.”

Colleen-Joy says that you just have to look at nature. “Does an apple tree act smaller than to appear polite, to be liked, or to avoid being judged? Does an apple tree act bigger than to get its way, to be admired, and to avoid the pain of being seen as less? No. An apple tree says, ‘I am this’, and stands visible in service to life.”

Can you say ‘I am this’, regardless of disapproval? Mike Dooley says that the next time someone upsets you, think: “Thanks for pointing out that I’ve begun depending on your approval. Time I lose the expectations.”

If there’s one thing the past year has shown me, it is that life is fragile. It is time to let go of anything that is no longer true for me. Turns out there are many old dreams that aren’t even mine any more. Not the me I am now. Time to ditch them. Time to stop feeling guilty about not pursuing them.

Things change. For all of us. Drastically for some of us. Walt Whitman said: “I cannot be awake, for nothing looks to me as it did before, or else I am awake for the first time, and all before has been a mean sleep.”

Maybe, girlfriend, it is especially when finding yourself in a strange new landscape that you have to ask all the old questions anew. The answers may surprise you. Just turn up as your apple-tree self and say: “Here I am. I am here. Let my life use all of me.”