Ditching the dream Print
News - Final Word
Tuesday, 23 April 2019 13:04
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No one says it openly, you know? Maybe it’s because you don’t even want to admit it to yourself, but the truth is, girlfriend – that huge dream you had . . . it’s been a while now that it just hasn’t been doing it for you any more.

Maybe it’s something you’ve been striving towards your entire life – just-just out of reach – and you’ve finally decided to give yourself permission to stop reaching. Or maybe it’s a dream that has come true and now you’re supposed to feel satisfied, but meanwhile you’re merely on autopilot.

It’s like highway hypnosis; when you’re driving a familiar route and then you reach your destination and think, “Hang on, when did I make that right turn?”

Kelsey Ramsden says that’s how people are living and then they wonder why they’re so bored. After achieving every imaginable business milestone and being named Canadian Female Entrepreneur of the year twice while battling cancer and raising three children, she felt hollow.

She explored why “what’s next” can be the most difficult question to answer and wrote a book on it, ‘Success Hangover: Ignite Your Next Act. Screw Your Status Quo. Feel Alive Again’. The book explains why your big moment is often underwhelming and how to shorten the period of numbness and despair that can follow.

Our work becomes our identity and holding on to that identity can be crippling. Say you wrote a book and it did well and you think, “Great, I am a writer!” and then you just write and you write and you write and one day you think: “Wait a minute, oh my gosh, I don’t want to do this anymore.”

But you don’t know what else to do, so you shift right down into neutral and your mind is not even paying attention any more. It’s as if you’re waiting for someone to tap you on the shoulder and tell you it is time for something else. Or you’re waiting for someone to give you a grade and propel you on to the next level of wherever you’re supposed to be going.

“Just tell me what to do next!” is what you want to scream, but you don’t because it’s a bit embarrassing to come out and say that you spent all this energy building your dream and now you want to abandon it.

Maybe it’s time to start giving ourselves permission to have very different goals every few years. Things that may have satisfied you at the last stage of your life will not and probably should not do so any more as your wisdom grows and your perspectives change.

“Do not be surprised if some of the dreams, the desires and the things that you have been wanting for a while are no longer as great an interest to you over time,” says Theos.

“The more you feel in alignment with who you really are . . . the void that perhaps you thought a thing, a goal or a relationship would fill for you is filled by your own love and light.”

Theos says this does not mean you cannot desire and enjoy all the delights that are available to you. You should simply understand that some of those desires may go away and yet others will feel even more fulfilling when you do achieve them.

As Rumi says, “respond to every call that excites your spirit”. But, wouldn’t you then be blown into a different wind direction every time? It could be overwhelming not knowing the way.

Eva Gregory writes that there’s this myth that highly successful people have everything figured out before they start. Nothing could be further from the truth. “In fact, only a few steps are usually revealed at a time. Their vision wasn’t laid out in advance. It doesn’t happen that way.”

Eva says that she’s been in business for nineteen years now and it has all unfolded one step at a time. She could never have predicted that this is what she’d be doing in her business when she first started. It has continued to evolve.

It’s like driving at night with your headlights on, says Eva. You may have a destination in mind, but you only ever see the next 200 metres in front of you. You keep going nevertheless. Alert, attentive, aware . . . as in the opposite of autopilot.