“Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: Who has earned the right to hear my story?”

So says Brené Brown, a leading voice in the fields of vulnerability research, courage, empathy, and shame. She says that if we have one or two people in our lives who can sit with us and hold space for our shame stories, embrace our imperfections, vulnerabilities and love us for our strengths and struggles, we are incredibly lucky.

Because not everyone can do that for us. Brené says that we cannot grow when we are in shame and we cannot use shame to change ourselves or others. See, we make ourselves incredibly vulnerable when we share our shame, but that very vulnerability is, according to Brené, the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness.

That’s why it destroys a relationship when your vulnerability is demeaned. Who would want to hang around with someone who makes you feel unworthy? Laini Taylor says there is only one emotion which, in recollection, is capable of resurrecting the full immediacy and power of the original:

“One emotion that time could never fade, and that would drag you back any number of years into the pure, undiluted feeling, as if you were living it anew. It wasn’t love . . . and it wasn’t hate, or anger, or happiness, or even grief. Memories of those were but echoes of the true feeling. It was shame. Shame never faded.”

In ‘The power of vulnerability: Insights from Brené Brown’s work’, Richard Reid writes that vulnerability is fundamental to forming deep, authentic relationships. “When individuals allow themselves to be seen – flaws, fears, and all – they create opportunities for connection and understanding. By sharing their authentic selves, individuals lay the groundwork for trust and intimacy.”

Authenticity, as Brené articulates, is “the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are”. Richard writes that contrary to societal beliefs that equate vulnerability with weakness, Brené argues that it takes immense courage to show one’s true self.

As she puts it: “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” This courage empowers individuals to face fears, take risks, and pursue their goals, knowing that vulnerability is an inherent part of the journey.

According to Richard we should foster environments where others feel safe to express their true selves, which can lead to stronger bonds and mutual understanding. Sharing personal stories of vulnerability can nurture a sense of belonging. Storytelling is an essential aspect of human connection.

When it comes to storytelling, motivational speaker, Tony Robbins, talks about Joseph Campbell, a scholar and mythologist who spent his entire career studying every great culture and every great story ever told. What he found was that no matter the culture; no matter the era, the number one story told by every civilization across all human history was the same. It was the hero’s journey.

Tony says that there are seven steps in this journey: 1. The ordinary world. 2. The call to adventure. 3. Refusal of the call. 4. Meeting the mentor. 5. Crossing the threshold. 6. The ordeal. 7. The return.
Here’s what Joseph Campbell understood that changed everything for Tony. “The word ‘hero’ comes from the Greek word that means ‘servant’. You are not the hero because you conquered something. You are the hero because you came back with something worth giving. If you’ve overcome something and you’re not sure what to do with it, someone needs the knowledge gained from what you survived.”

You need to tell your story even though you fear ridicule. Tell it, even though it might not be meant for everyone. In their reactions you’ll clearly see who deserves your trust. And in your turn, do whatever you can to make the people in your life feel completely unashamed of who they are because, as Ralph Waldo Emerson found: “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

Maybe your story can help someone to find meaning in their own experiences or to rip apart rigid emotional defences in favour of authenticity. In the end, girlfriend, it’s as Ram Dass says: “We’re all just walking each other home.” – Angie Kleijn