Do you remember the story of Peter Pan? Tinkerbelle drank Peter Pan’s poisoned medicine to save his life and the tiny star that was Tinkerbelle began to flicker; she was busy dying. Her voice was so low that Peter could hardly hear what she was saying.

“She says . . . she says she thinks she could get well again if children believed in fairies,” Peter said. “Say quickly that you believe. If you believe, clap your hands. Clap your hands and Tinkerbelle will live.”

As the children clapped, the dying spark that was Tinkerbelle began to glow. She sailed up and grew so dazzling that the lost boys were nearly blinded as she blazed above them in the skies of Never-Never land.

We’re entering the season of bright stars in the sky and I’m going to tell you the story of the men who followed a specific star as Sarah Ban Breathnach did in her book ‘Simple Abundance’: A long, long time ago in a country far, far away three kings on camelback followed a bright star. The prophecies of wise men had foretold that if they followed this bright star, it would lead them to a royal birth.

They came with loads of treasures on their camels’ backs – they brought gold, frankincense and myrrh. Imagine their surprise when the star led them to a cow stall and not to a palace. Still, they offered their gifts to the newborn baby, double-crossed King Herod and helped the family to escape to safety.

According to Sarah, the gold, frankincense and myrrh were not the real gifts. Oh, no – the real gifts were wonder, acceptance and courage. The three kings offered wonder by surrendering logic, reason and common sense. They accepted the impossible and had the courage to help the family flee away from Bethlehem where King Herod was frantically searching for them.

So, yes, Christmas is all about gifts. It just might not be the gifts you’d expect to give or the ones you’d expect to get. Elizabeth Kübler-Ross writes that you will not grow if you sit in a beautiful flower garden, but you will grow if you are sick, if you are in pain, if you experience losses, and if you do not put your head in the sand, but take the pain and learn to accept it, not as a curse or punishment but as a gift to you with a very, very specific purpose.

Maybe, this Christmas, your gift is heartache. Jennifer Welwood writes: “Willing to experience aloneness, I discover connection everywhere; Turning to face my fear, I meet the warrior who lives within; Opening to my loss, I am given unimaginable gifts; Surrendering into emptiness, I find fullness without end.

Christmas arrives every year on 25 December, whether you’re heartbroken or deliriously happy; whether you’re rich enough to buy anybody anything they’d ever wanted or too poor to put food on your table; whether you’re terminally ill or in excellent health; whether it’s your first Christmas as a newborn baby or your very last. Christmas arrives, whether you’re ready for it or not.

Laura Lewis says that in certain seasons, grief swallows us whole. And yet, our grief is always, always a gift. It means we have loved with our whole hearts. Our power can only fully emerge in response to the kind of pain that feels impossible to weather. The kind of pain that could only ever come from losing what we’ve loved.

So, my Christmas wish for you is that you’ll truly recognise the gifts you’re getting. Look out for the gifts of courage, acceptance and, most of all, for the gift of wonder – of magic.

Follow the bright stars. An unknown author once said that perhaps they’re not stars, but rather openings where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they’re happy.

What do you mean you can’t see it? Of course you’ll see it eventually, girlfriend. You’ll just have to believe it first, for – as in all cases of magic – you have to believe it before you can see it. – Angie Kleijn