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News - Final Word
Monday, 24 July 2017 20:56
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“We think if we can beat vulnerability to the punch by imagining loss, we’ll suffer less,” author Brené Brown dares to admit.

We all know the feeling of looking at a loved one, a beloved pet, place or maybe our home or business and imagining what it would feel like to lose it. And when it actually happens, we know that no amount of imagining could have prepared us for the loss.

So, girlfriend, what are you scared of? When you feel fear, what is it about? What doubt grips you and won’t let go? Go Big coach, Kristen Howe, says that your fears and doubts may seem to be about a variety of different things, but when you break them down, you will be able to see a pattern.

Do this simple three-step exercise and you’ll understand. Write down the top three fears you’re experiencing right now. Look at those fears and ask yourself this question, filling in the x-marks with your own words: I know it seems as if I’m scared of xxx, but what I’m really scared of is that xxx will mean that I am xxx.

Kristen gives this example: I know it seems as if I’m scared of declaring bankruptcy, but what I’m really scared of is that declaring bankruptcy will mean that I am a failure. So, what you’re really scared of is being a failure.

Ask yourself why. For example: I’m scared of being a failure because then people won’t love me and I’ll be disappointed in myself (in other words, you won’t love yourself). What you’re really scared of is not being loved (by yourself and others).

Now, look back at different times in your life when you’ve been scared and do the same exercise. Chances are good that you’ve been dealing with the same patterns of fear your entire life. Kristen says it is not about the specific thing you think you’re scared of; it is about your base recurring fears. Try to identify them.

Nick Ortner from The Tapping Solution explains why we experience fear. He says it comes from our caveman history. Picture the scene: Grog and Thor sit perched at the edge of their cave. They’ve been hearing some sabre-toothed tiger sounds, not too far away.

Grog says, “Ughr all ogg ogg ralf woomr.”

Oh, you don’t speak caveman? Then follow Nick’s translation: “I’m pretty nervous about that tiger. It sounds like a big one, and it’s coming our way.”

Thor says, “Brother man, there is nothing to worry about! The sun is shining, we’ve discovered fire and some basic tools, and this cave is luxurious. Bask in gratitude and the joy of life!”
Grog looks around nervously. It sounds as if the tiger is getting closer. “Thor, I’m going to higher ground. We’re tiger meat in this spot.”

“Grog, you are so negative! Always talking about what could go wrong.”

Grog runs away at a full sprint towards higher ground, where the tiger can’t climb. He makes one last desperate call to Thor, “Please! Run!”

Thor continues his peaceful meditation and is killed by the tiger, along with his ‘happy’ genes. Grog and his DNA survive, partly because of his negative, pessimistic, cautious attitude.

In his book, ‘Hardwiring Happiness’, Rick Hanson writes that we’ve got a brain that’s prone to “paper tiger paranoia”.  The brain evolved to assume the worst. Just being aware of this is a mammoth first step in overcoming it.

Then you will start understanding that positivity is not an attribute or a personality trait – it is a practice. Being positive is a skill we can deliberately choose to hone every day, says Nick.
You start by consciously choosing where you focus your attention. To understand how powerful this is, take a couple of minutes to describe something you’re crazy about. This might be a place, a pet, person, book or movie. Please, try it. What you will experience is that, when your minutes are up, you will feel much more positive.

If you want to keep feeling like this, you know what to do now – focus on the good in your life. It is a choice, girlfriend. Not making that choice, is also a choice. Not taking an action is also an action.
Fearful thinking will keep you stuck, stress you out and bring your healing process to a grinding halt. Stress matters. In the hugest possible way. It has become the paper tiger that is killing off Grog’s descendants

 

 

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