Each of us has two lives. The one we are living and the unlived life still in potential within us. The life we’re not yet living is our unlived calling. Between our lived and unlived life usually stands our resistance.

So says life coach Nick Williams. He says that it is all about showing up and that one of the greatest determinants of your success is your willingness to show up, usually before you feel ready and when you feel a little scared and vulnerable.

Feeling frightened is not a bad thing. Feeling irritated, frustrated, unruly and plain dissatisfied isn’t bad either. Granted, none of us welcome these feelings. Actually, what we want is a magic wand we can wave to make bad feelings disappear. Instantly. In search of such a wand some of us meditate and others medicate until the feeling of discomfort passes.

I want to tell you why you should welcome ornery emotions. Really! They hold a valuable message for you. It’s called contrast. Contrast always shows up as things that you don’t want. Life coach Christy Whitman says if you change your perspective about contrast it can become a way to get clear on what you do want.

Contrast could be situations that spark feelings in you of loss, lack, envy or jealousy. Contrast gets your attention. It draws your attention to a conflict between your inner desires and your outer reality, and this discord creates a point of tension that is registered as a feeling of discontent that initially whispers but later starts screaming: I want something different! I want something more!

“The moment a new desire is born within us, the moment we become aware of a longing to experience something bigger, better or different than we are now experiencing, it heightens our awareness of the fact that – in the present moment at least – what we desire is not yet a part of our experience,” says Christy.

What happens next depends almost entirely on how you choose to respond to the feeling of discontent sparked by not yet having what you want. You can choose to focus only on what is wrong or you can choose to use the contrast to clarify exactly what it is you want to have in its place.

But there’s another trick here, something you must absolutely avoid doing otherwise you’ll just repel the very thing you want. Coach Kristen Howe says that this is judging other people who have what you desire.

Recently, with me, it went like this: A chock-and-block schedule led to feelings of limited freedom where going out to enjoy something I’d like doing seemed impossible. This feeling had been simmering in the background. It wasn’t really fully conscious until some people sent me a photograph of their recent game drive. Aaarggh! My wrath was instantaneous and my fury ferociously focused on . . . the happy smiling faces in the game drive vehicle. Yes, like that, I’m ashamed to say.

According to Kristen many of us show this sort of reaction when faced with super rich people. We judge harshly and these negative feelings are what literally chase our own prosperity away. When you see other people doing or having what you long for, don’t say: But that is what I wanted!

Do this instead: Every time you see someone who has something you desire, celebrate it as proof that what you want exists by saying, “Yes, that’s for me too.”

Christy says that at every moment you’re breathing life into one of two realities: one that you dread or one that you desire. Okay, we’re all adults here, so we know that. But then one of “those days” comes along. Everything seems to go wrong and all you can feel or think about is the negative emotion.

Personally I know that the fake-it-until-you-make-it approach seriously backfires on days like these.

Also, right then I’d probably spit anyone who tells me to reach for a better-feeling thought. Ain’t gonna happen. The only thing I might reach for is a feeling of relief.

So, it’s a bad day? Accept it. Stop resisting. Today you won’t be able to force positive forward thrust. The only thing you’re going to do is slow down so that you can stop the negative momentum. That’s enough, girlfriend. You are enough. All is well. What you want exists. Yes, for you too.