Whose life is it anyway? PDF Print E-mail
News - Final Word
Tuesday, 28 April 2015 21:26
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If you want to know what you’re really committed to, all you have to do is look at your life. Whether you’re aware of it or not, you are always creating exactly what you’re most committed to.

So said Debbie Ford, former drug addict who became a best-selling self-help author and coach. She died in 2013 after an 11-year-long battle with cancer.

Debbie believed that when your life is not the way you want it to be, you can be certain that you have a conflicting hidden commitment to something other than that which you say you’re committed to.

“Our underlying commitments are responsible for the discrepancy between what we say we want and what we’re actually experiencing.”

Say you’re longing to start your own business, but no matter how hard you try, you’re just staying stuck in the same dead-end job. It might be that, on an unconscious level, you are way more committed to staying safe. If you keep trying to lose the same 5 kg year after year, chances are that you probably have some conflicting unconscious concern running like an end-loop tape in the background.

Debbie writes that when you find yourself baffled by the choices you make in the face of your stated intentions, it’s not necessarily weakness or bad luck, mistakes, errors or misjudgements. You should check for underlying commitments.

Left unexamined, they will keep you stuck and drive you to repeat the same self-sabotaging behaviour. You will keep saying you want one thing and then doing another. So, how do you break the pattern? According to Debbie you have to bypass your trusted decision-making tools, such as your mind and your emotions.

Your thinking messes up your clarity when you spend so much time rationalising and justifying your choices, that you cannot see what is in your best interest. Neither can you base your decisions on your emotions; they fluctuate way too often.

Asking the right questions takes all the negotiation and justification, the whim, instant gratification or tantrum out of the process. Debbie devised a method that she called Right Questions. The great thing about using these questions is that you don’t have to feel deserving enough or good enough to get the results you want.

These questions don’t care what you think or how you feel. Their purpose is to wake you up and give you the power you need to change the direction of your life. There are ten of them:
Will this choice propel me towards an inspiring future or will it keep me stuck in the past?

Will this choice bring me long-term fulfilments or will it bring me short-term gratification?

Am I standing in my power or am I trying to please another?

Am I looking for what’s right or am I looking for what’s wrong?

Will this choice add to my life force or will it rob me of my energy?

Will I use this situation as a catalyst to grow and evolve or will I use it to beat myself up?

Does this choice empower me or does it disempower me?

Is this an act of self-love or is it an act of self-sabotage?

Is this an act of faith or is it an act of fear?

Am I choosing from my divinity or am I choosing from my humanity?

Asking either-or questions makes the results we can expect from our actions clear. They help you to see whether your choice comes from your dreams or your fears and doubts; whether your choice is an expression of your darkness or your light.

Of course you’ll see that the Right Questions are not about making that one important decision. You’ve already made it when you said you wanted to start your own business or lose weight. The Right Questions are about all the small choices you make the entire day long; the ones that take you towards your goal or away from it.

These questions give you the power to make the best choices for yourself in every moment. Of course, girlfriend, if that’s not what you want – if you’re way more comfortable playing the eternal victim or if you’re totally devoted to the approval of others – then these questions are not for you.

They are meant to help you see that it’s always your own choice and nobody else’s. I mean, whose life is it anyway?

 

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